On These Cold Nights and In These Broken Hearts
by Mikozume
Summary: It's cold and you don't know what to do. It's cold and your roommate just kicked you out. It's cold and you're wet and upset and confused. It's the middle of winter and you go to your boyfriends because you don't know where else to go... but something isn't right and you regret what you said to Karkat. or The one where Sollux and Karkat get in an argument over what a relationship


Your name is Sollux Captor and you don't know what to do. You've never fought with your roommate before, but you have a feeling that most fights don't end with one of the roommates being kicked out. You're standing in the hallway with absolutely nothing, in just a hoodie and jeans while the weather outside is negative eight. You don't even have your phone or any of your money. You take a deep breath in, trying to decide what to do.

 _You step inside your apartment, home early because classes for the day were cancelled from the bad weather. Outside the unrelenting blizzard still pounds on your windows._

 _"_ _Karkat," you call to your roommate. "I'm back." You hear him push a chair back and he appears in the kitchen._

 _"_ _You're back early," he mutters, grabbing a bag from the cupboard._

 _"_ _Yeah. The weather was too bad, so they cancelled classes." You shrug. "But it worked out for me I guess, I finally have a day off." Karkat glances up._

 _"_ _Yeah, where have you fucking been the last month?"_

 _"_ _Out with Eridan," you reply, scrounging the fridge. You see Karkat wrinkle his nose and you pause, standing back up. "What? Do you not like Eridan?" He shrugs and you scoff._

 _"_ _I don't mind him… I think," he mutters, sarcasm dripping in his voice and you mentally groan for the lecture that's coming. "Remind me which one he is? You seem to get someone new every month, if that. Seriously, Sollux, lay off." You frown, glaring at him._

 _"_ _You can't tell me what to do with_ my _life!" You snap. "Why does it matter to you?"_

 _"_ _Because I happen to think that relationships are supposed to mean more than picking up a new fuck toy each month!" You snap your jaw._

 _"_ _That's because you can't get laid," you mutter. "Just stay out of my life."_

 _"_ _I don't want to 'get laid'," Karkat hisses. "Sex is supposed to be romantic and meaningful, not something you do here and there with strangers. I, unlike you, don't want to just run off and have sex with every person I meet!"_

 _"_ _I do not!" You hiss back, offended._

 _"_ _Yes you do! A new relationship each month, a new fuckbuddy whenever you feel like it! Does any of it mean anything to you? Does anything mean anything to you? God, Sollux, you're just taking the meaningful bits of life and turning them into the littlest of fucking things. You're supposed to savor your first kiss; you're supposed to be in a relationship with someone because you care about them, not because you want to use them because you're horny!" You reel back, glaring at him. The yelling continues for nearly twenty minutes, your voices and insults escalating until it's to the point where Karkat is just stilled and staring at you. You can't remember what you said but you can tell you've gone too far. His eyes narrow and he grabs your arm, opening the door and pushing you into the hall._

 _"_ _Get out," he hisses. "And stay out." He slams the door and you hear it click shut, and locked._

You have decided to go to Eridan's. The minute you step outside you instantly begin chattering your teeth and you wrap your arms around yourself and start the long walk. The sun is already almost going down and it's getting dark.

When you make it to your boyfriend's apartment you knock on his door slowly with shaking hands. You're frozen, literally in some places because you're also soaking wet. It's dark and you're cold and wet and shivering like crazy. You're upset and a mess because of what Karkat said. You're upset because of what you said. The door swings open.

"Who goes to someone's place at nine—Sol? What the fuck, Sol? What did you do?" He stares at you a moment longer before slowly pulling you into his apartment and sitting you on the couch. You let out a sigh at the heat of the building.

"Sol, where the fuck is your _jacket?_ " You force out a whisper of an answer through the chattering teeth,

"In my dorm."

"Why didn't you wear it? Why didn't you text me? God, Sol, did you walk here?" You wrap your arms around yourself and nod.

"Yeah. I don't have my phone, or a key to get back in… I had a fight with Karkat and got myself kicked out." Eridan pauses and leaves the room. When he comes back in he has a blanket and warm clothes. You switch your shirt and pants and let Eridan place the blanket around you. Even you can tell it's more of a brotherly gesture, though. That's the whole thing with Eridan, you realize. It's always been more brotherly with him.

"Jesus, Sol, what did you even argue about?"

"He called me a slut," you spit. "Just because he can't get laid. He says romance is so much 'more than what I make it', shit about first kisses and shit."

"Well… some people just feel that way about it I guess." Eridan shrugs. "Some people think that first kisses are a big deal, something to like, treasure or whatever." You gaze up at Eridan and frown.

"I don't want to treasure mine," you whisper.

"Why's that?"

"Because I didn't like it… I didn't want to kiss him. I didn't want to do any of that with him. If anything Karkat said is true, then I don't know how. There's nothing special about kisses or sex, not the first ones or the last ones. They're all the same. There's no spark and no flutter. There's just a horrible sinking feeling." Eridan is watching you.

"Him? Sinking feeling?"

"Him… my uncle. He raised me. I hate him, I've always hated him," you continue in a whisper. "When I was thirteen he… he kissed me?" It sounds like a question but it's not. "And other things, but I didn't want to do any of them and I hated it. So what if first kisses mean anything, mine meant shit to me. None of it means anything anymore, but it doesn't make a difference and I want to stop thinking about him when someone kisses me so I try and kiss people enough that I'll stop feeling that awful feeling each time but I never _do._ It's always the same, everything is." You turn and stare Eridan in the eye. "And… this isn't, still. It's not _like_ that with you? Like it's more—,"

"Brotherly," Eridan finishes firmly, giving you an understanding smile. "Yeah, I feel it to. That's okay, though. As for… all of that. You can tell your uncle he's going to burn in hell and as for the kissing and other stuff, well, Sol; you just have to wait for the right person. Don't date just for fun, wait for someone really glubbing special, I guess. You'll see." He gives you a smile, though you know it's making you both a little sad because you both know that you just broke up. You nod slowly, letting him rub your shoulders.

"You warm yet?" He asks softly. You shrug, placing your chin on your knees.

"Kind of." Because you're warm on the outside nearly but inside you still feels cold. You nod when Eridan tells you that you can stay the night. You let him pick a movie and you sit on the couch with him watching The Little Mermaid (he's got this weird obsession with the sea) until you feel yourself falling asleep.

In the morning you have an awful cold and even Eridan's too big sweater won't make it go away. You sneeze and walk into the kitchen where Eridan is making lunch. You lean against the counter and watch him work until he's interrupted by his phone ringing. He picks up without even checking to see who it is, which makes you scoff.

"You don't just answer without seeing who it is! What if it was your _mom?_ " Eridan glares at you.

"I am sure this is not my mother, now shut up, Sol." He returns to the phone call, apologizing. You only hear his half of the conversation so you focus on Eridan's hands while he talks.

"Uh, yeah, he's here. Uh huh, showed up last night soaking wet, the idiot. He's got a cold now but he won't die," you frown when you realize he's talking about you. He mouths Karkat's name and your frown turns apprehensive. You stand up and walk back to the living room, pulling a blanket around you. You stare up at the ceiling for a bit until you feel Eridan poke your leg.

"You okay if Karkat picks you up in ten minutes?" He asks. You shrug a yes. You need your phone and wallet. He picks his phone back up and walks back to the kitchen. You bury your face in the pillows on the couch and cough for a bit until your throat and nose feel clear enough that you won't die. You're almost asleep when you feel a faint ding and footsteps. There's a conversation not too far away and when Eridan calls your name you groan, yawning and sitting up. Karkat appears in the doorway and awkwardly sits on the couch next to you.

"Sorry for kicking you out," he mutters. "I overreacted."

"It's fine," you reply flatly. "I deserved it for what I said." Karkat shrugs.

"Maybe, but I could have at least given you your jacket. Anyways, sorry about what I said I guess. I kind of guess I just feel like romance is supposed to be thing big fucking important thing. When you decide to have your first kiss with someone it's with someone who means something to you and," he pauses. "I don't know, I guess I just took my own opinion too far." He finishes conclusively and you shrug.

"Its fine," you repeat in the same flat tone. "I could care less about first kisses. It would be nice to get to choose to have your first kiss. I didn't want to have mine. I didn't want to do any of my 'firsts'." Karkat turns to look at you. "I grew up with my uncle when my parents left… when I was thirteen I made him mad and as punishment for pretty much sucking at everything he told me he was going to be my first everything, kept saying no one would love me if I was a whore. He was right, I guess. ED and I broke up, but I'm okay with that. We were always more like friends, kind of like you and I, KK, but… not." You whisper, turning to look at him. His face is contorted in surprise.

"Sollux, your uncle can burn in hell." He says matter-of-factly. You feel a small smile work its way onto your face.

"That's exactly what ED said." You turn back to stare at Karkat. You make eye contact and you tell yourself to look away, even though you can't seem to. His eyes are wide and you think they're beautiful. His hair is ruffled and his usual eye bags are forever present. He shifts and when his arm touches yours you find yourself longing for the warmth. With a start you try and discard the feelings, freaked out by them. You don't know what they mean, but they're not something you've felt before. When you make eye contact again you turn red and you slowly realize what you're feeling at the same time that you think Karkat makes a realization as well, because his face slowly turns red.

"I just think that first kisses, when they can be, should be had with someone who really means a lot to you," he stutters slowly. You blink at him. "So… do you want to redo your first kiss?" He whispers. You stare at him for a moment, before letting out a bright laugh.

"Yeah," you reply, reaching toward him to lift his chin up. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

Your lips connect and you feel something you haven't ever felt before when they do. There's sparks and connection and something special happens and you never want to breathe again if it means stopping living in this one moment.

When you do pull apart, though, you give Karkat a small smirk, placing one more kiss on his forehead, which makes him blush again.

"I think," you tell him. "That my first kiss can be something I won't regret… and that I can hopefully experience again." He gives you a rare grin and nods.

"Yeah, I think we can make that work."


End file.
